I fucking hate my household and my brother.

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FML man.

All my life, I been following my brother's shadow, they were all better than me, their grades were better, their CCA was better. Everything. I try not to compare myself with them, but it's worthless. You want to know why?

On Nov 2, 2024, I was last working retail assistant and foodpanda, after a long day of work: 8 hours + 3 hours of food delivery, I decide that it's time to film some video game porn, because, why wouldn't I? Now it's not about masturbation or edging, it's about archiving porn! Porn is hard to archive, believe it all not, old porn gets deleted, or they are bad quality. I make it my decision(dunno why) to film pornography. Now this was fun and all, I wasn't even enjoying the porn I was filming, because they are old content, not worth jacking off honestly. But my idiot brother decide to open the door and see what I am doing. And of course he saw the everything on the monitor and everything.

I dunno what compelled him to do this. Sure, the electricity bills are paid by him, but it's 3am in the morning, I shouldn't be filming porn, but what other time do I have to film porn when everyone is not sleeping? You'll think he will have something better to do at night instead of peeking at his brother's bad hobbies. I seriously cannot understand why someone more intelligent or more athletic than me would do something to make me feel so ashamed of myself. Look, I work for my own money, but it's piss poor amount of money, so I am already upset, and then here he goes opening the door to my room to check what nasty shit I've doing.

This is peak humiliation. Bro has a better salary than me, has a girlfriend and everything, still wants to put his hand on everything.

I remember I was on a phone call regarding a wrong job interview, he would nitpick everything that I say, and after I complained to him, "if you're so good at talking, how about you answer my phone call for me?", he says, "this is your own problem/business, why do I have to speak for you?" Oh my god, the gall to fight back when he's the one who fuck with me first. I ask him to shut the hell up and plus I didn't even offend you, and he said, "why won't you learn how I speak then?!" I seriously fucking hate this guy. It's not like I asked him to teach me how to answer a damn phone call. 

I live in a world of fear, after graduating from polytechnic, my life hasn't been going well. Sometimes I wish I died in a road accident, or some sniper got the wrong target by sniping me across 500m. There's no future, the only future I foresaw was me dying at my death bed with no food to eat.

I live in a world of fear. It doesn't matter what I do, with this putrid face and body of a stickman, nothing I do will make me better than most guys outside. I just wish people would leave me alone. I just wish my army bunkmates would stop messing with me. 

If I had the power I will kill all of you.

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